Priorities

My boyfriend is an animator. He is also a work-a-holic. He has a full time job, but he also takes on lots of freelance work illustrating children's books. He almost always has some project on the side that he is working on. He has spent the last 3 Christmas vacations in a row doing freelance work.

Right now he is at the end of one doozie of a project. Last night he pulled an all-nighter. I worry about him. I worry about his health. He can't go on treating his body like that and expect to live a very long healthy life. He gets so stressed. Not only that, but I pretty much only get to see the back of his head in front of a computer screen for months at a time whenever he's doing these extra jobs. It sucks.

This morning, a few hours after he texted me to tell me that he was finally going to bed (at 6:00 AM), he told me that he had gotten an offer to do character design on a new project that he was really excited about. But he was torn because he still wasn't done with the project he was currently working on, and he wasn't sure he'd have the strength to do it. The project's director is a good friend of his, he really respects the studio he'd be working with, and the cartoon was created by an artist he really likes.

You know, I'm a performer. I understand what it's like when someone offers you a project like that. It's hard to say no. You feel like this opportunity may never come your way again. That you must take it now! Even if that means that you won't sleep for the next 2 months, and your girlfriend and son will only catch glimpses of you when you have completely worn yourself out from working so hard, and you have to take a break or your eyeballs will pop out. I understand that. I really do. But I am a girlfriend who is jealous of the time my boyfriend spends working on that second job. I would like more free time with him, and it really got me thinking about balance and priorities.

In my quest for wisdom I, of course, turned to Facebook. I asked my 599 friends: "...what order of priority do you think these 4 things go in: self, child, work, partner?" I got such a variety of answers. It was actually very interesting. Lots of people put self first, which is often what we're taught growing up in America, I think. Just like they say on the airplane, you have to put on your breathing apparatus, then the child's.

Some people said the child came first, but it really depended on how old that child was. The younger they were, the higher on the priority list they seemed to go.

One person tried to justify that his partner gets much better quality time, while his work gets much greater quantity of time. That really made me think. I mean, that is how most of us are, but perhaps that behavior doesn't really line up with our true values. I think if you ask most people, they will say that their partner is much more important to them than their job is. But, if that's the case, then why do most of us end up spending 8 hours a day at work and only 4 of our waking hours at home with our partners? Why is our society like that? Are there places on the planet that are different? What would that be like?

One person said that self and partner were equally important, an answer I think that only could have come from a woman. The female brain is wired to multi-task. Someone told me once that women put their love at the center of their world and their life has to fit in around it, and that men put their life at the center of their world and love has to fit in around it. I'm still trying to assess whether or not that is true, but so far I think it is. It's a fundamental perception of the world and organization of priorities that should really be evaluated as you attempt to solve problems with a member of the opposite sex.

A couple of people put partner before child, which I thought was very interesting, and I think I agree with. I believe that one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is two parents that love each other. In order to maintain that relationship, I think you really do have to make a conscious effort to put your partner's needs above the child sometimes. Otherwise, your relationship will whither and die.

Really, I think that it's a trick question, though. Any one of these things is so important that none can ever be neglected without bringing unbalance, and therefore, dissatisfaction into your life. You have to pay attention to all of them, with all of yourself, at all times, ("... and in all things, and in all places, as we strive to live the young women values.") It's an impossible juggling game that we are all trying to navigate on a moment to moment basis.

You can't neglect your child, or you are a bad parent. They might get hurt, or grow up ignorant and with bad manners. You can't neglect your partner, or they will leave you, or even worse, walk around the house treating you with disdain for years on end. You can't neglect your job, or they will fire you, and then you will have no place to live, and no food to eat, and as a result, Child Services will take away your kids. And you can't neglect yourself, or your partner will not want to be with you because you are stinky, your kids will not want to be around you because you drink too much, and you will get fired from your job, because someone younger and skinnier and more rested will do the same thing you can do for less money.

So, it's a trick question. You have to find balance between them all. Your children, your partner, your job and yourself. If you are not taking time out of your life for all of them, then you must stop, take a deep breath, and re-evaluate. Otherwise, Life will show you, and you don't want that, because Life's a bitch, and she'll make it hurt.

Chunk

When I was a kid my mom used to make this yummy dessert called "O'Henry Bars." It was these crunchy, chewy, chocolate-y bars and they were totally rich and addictive. When I went off to college this became a periodic treat I would make for myself and my roommates. It was always a winner, the star of any pot luck or buffet table.

In 1995 I went to spend my second summer in Jackson Hole, Wyoming to perform at The Grande Teton Mainstage. We were doing The Pirates of Penzance and Fiddler on the Roof . I was playing one of the General's Daughters ("Kate") in Pirates... and "Chava" in Fiddler... The summer was chock full of good times. We were at the foot of the Grande Teton National Park, only an hour's drive from the entrance of Yellowstone and a stone's throw from the Snake River. The cast was a bunch of young, loud "theatre people" all living together in a 4-bedroom apartment right next to the theatre. It was one of the best summers of my life. While I was there I met Christie and Kirt. We became fast friends, and they are still two of the most important people in my life today.

Seeing as we were all young, with fast metabolisms, most of us gave no thought to the idea of counting calories or watching our weight that summer. It was common to find several cast members in search of a midnight snack after the shows. We would walk over to the only late night grocery store (a.k.a. the gas station down the street) to buy a pint of Häagen Dazs ice cream, one for each of us. They would all be completely consumed in one sitting, and right before bed no less! How we didn't all gain 20 pounds that summer, I'll never know!

In addition to our Häagen Dazs habit we also gained a "Chunk" habit. That's what my mom's O'Henry Bars were dubbed that summer. It was called "Chunk" because it's like a big chunk of gooey goodness on your spoon, we wouldn't wait for them to cool, so you had to eat them with a spoon. And it was also called Chunk because it made you chunky, as in jiggly thighs chunky. Still, to this day, the cast members from that summer call my mom's O'Henry Bars, "Chunk."

So, this is the recipe for my mom's famous "Chunk." I'm not sure where she got it from, but it was probably some nice Mormon woman from Relief Society in the Raleigh First Ward.

O'Henry Bars

1/2 cup white sugar
3/4 cup white corn syrup
3/4 cup peanut butter
3 cups Rice Krispies

1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1 cup butterscotch chips

Heat the sugar and the corn syrup in a saucepan until dissolved. Boil for one minute, and remove from the heat. Add the peanut butter. Once the peanut butter is fully incorporated, then stir in the Rice Krispies. You don't want to wait too long for this step or the corn syrup mixture begins to harden and it becomes very hard to mix in the Rice Krispies. Pour into an 8"x8" square pan, or if you don't have that size pan you can shape it into a 2" flat disk on a dinner plate. That's what we did in Jackson.

Melt the chocolate chips and the butterscotch chips together either in a double boiler or in the microwave. In the microwave, cook them for 30 seconds at a time, stirring after each round until the chips are just melted. You don't want to overcook the chips or they get little crunchy burnt bits in them and your delicious creation will be ruined. Spread the chocolate mixture over the bars.

The recipe then says "Cool and cut into small squares." But you can also immediately take a spoon to it and begin gnoshing. Warning! These are addictive! Hope you enjoy!

Kim

Garlic Soup

Right after college I worked as a performer on cruise ships for about 5 years. 2 of those summers were spent touring Alaska. That's where I discovered one of my favorite restaurants of all time, "Ludvig's Bistro." It's a little hole in the wall in Sitka, Alaska, and it's named after the chef's dog. They serve rustic mediterranean fare. Some of the most wonderful, simply delicious dishes I've ever had.

I remember sitting in a window seat at the restaurant one day watching the bay. I watched this fisherman walk with a giant salmon in his arms from his boat, into the restaurant, where he plopped it down on the counter. The chef paid him for the fish and promptly started preparing it in the kitchen. Talk about fresh seafood!

One of my favorite dishes (actually they were all my favorites, I literally tried everything on the menu) was the "French Garlic Soup." It was a variation on French Onion Soup, only made with garlic. It was a homemade clear vegetable broth made with veggies and herbs. Then, they added in a ton of whole cloves of garlic, which simmered in the pot with it until they were soft and mild. Then, a big piece of crusty bread was placed in the center of the bowl and a hunk of gruyere cheese was melted in the oven over the top. This soup was to die for, and it is so good for you too. Garlic does all kinds of wonderful things for the body. This weekend I discovered that this soup is the cure for the common cold.

So, here's my attempt to copy the recipe. My boyfriend made the suggestion of cutting the bread up into little croutons to make it easier to spoon up. I tried it on a second batch I made last night and it was a great addition.

Kim's Imitation of Ludvig's Bistro's French Garlic Soup

4 cans Swanson's Vegetable Broth
about 3/4 cup white wine
3 bulbs of garlic, skin and tough ends removed (about 30 cloves. It should almost cover the bottom of a big soup pot)
olive oil, a generous dash (about 2 Tbsp.)
crusty French bread
gruyere cheese

Put the broth, the wine, the garlic cloves, and olive oil in a big soup pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer at medium low to low for about 40 minutes to an hour, until the smell of the soup has become mild and the cloves are soft and easily mushed. Next, cut the bread into cubes. Put in oven at 350 degrees for about 5 miutes, then turn them over, top the croutons with grated gruyere cheese. Put back in the oven at 350 degrees for about 6 minutes or until the cheese is just melted. Ladle the soup, cloves and all, into a bowl. At the restaurant each bowl was served with about 4-5 cloves in it. Top with the cheesy croutons and eat while it's hot.

Enjoy!