Thank You, 2010!

You know that song, "Thank You, India" by Alanis Morrissette where she thanks India for what she learned there? I'd like to do the same for the year 2010. "Thank You, 2010!"

Last New Year's Eve I had just barely moved to Los Angeles, so the year 2010 kind of feels like my 1-year anniversary for living in L.A., even though it's not. This is my first full year in The City of Angels, and it has been a full one. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs, but overall, I seem to have come out on top.

The things I remember about this year. Well, this year my Grandpa and Grandma Butterworth died. That was very sad, but at the same time it makes me very grateful to have such amazing people in my family. They were a solid example of how to be a married couple and how to just be good people in general. Perhaps the greatest blessing that came to me due to my grandparents' death was that we essentially had 2 family reunions on that side of the family this year, which never happens. It was wonderful to reunite with them, because they are all really cool people and we never get to see each other. We all still miss Grandma and Grandpa very much.

2009 was the year that I was reunited with My Long Lost Love, Caleb, but 2010 was the start of our "happily ever after." You see, the fairy tale (or the Hollywood script) usually ends when the couple is reunited, but as we all know, life goes on, and in reality, most of life is like act 2 of the musical "Into the Woods." It was a tough year of discovery for both me and Caleb, but after one whole year, we're still together! And, we still love each other. In many ways he is still the prince I always knew him to be. There have been lots of happy surprises, a few not-so-happy ones that I didn't know if we would make it through, but in the end, I think the essence of what makes him HIM still fits quite nicely with the essence of what makes me ME, and that continues to make life lovely.

This year I met Max. Max is Caleb's son. It was a big deal to meet The Boyfriend's Son. I mean, if things don't work out with a boyfriend, you just move on and get a new one, right? But with a child, a CHILD, you just don't want to mess that up. You want to be dependable and stable for the child. You don't want to ever disappoint them or you might screw them up for life. So, meeting Max has been a big deal. I think being around Max had an added note of importance for me because I don't have any children in my life. Well, I didn't before Max. No nieces, no nephews, no friends around with babies. I had no kids in my life, so all of a sudden having Max around was really different.

Turns out hanging out with a 4-year old all day is exhausting! I have a whole new respect for parents, as well as child care workers, and stay at home moms!??? Game over. You guys get the prize. It's a lot of work. It IS a lot of work, but it can be so fun too. The other day me and Caleb were just tickled as we sat listening to a recording of Max's little voice singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," and I said to myself as we shared that moment, "Ah, THIS is why people have kids!" Max is a great kid and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. It is a beautiful thing when you love a child and they love you back.

This year I gave up my acting career. And it absolutely was the right thing to do. I'm not sure yet what will fill it's place. Perhaps cooking and gardening, even writing have already filled it's place. I went to see the Broadway touring company of West Side Story with a friend the other night at the Pantages Theatre in Hollywood. Normally, in the past, I could not help myself but to imagine how I would have played that role, or said that line or done that dance step. But this time I had no pangs of jealousy or desire to be on that stage. Now, I just watch and enjoy. It has been very freeing. I don't beat myself up anymore for not being in a show. I have a busy life. I work a full time job and I have a 4 year old to spend time with 3 days a week. That's enough for me right now.

L.A., The City of Los Angeles, it is a curious place. I have learned in the year that I have been here where I fit in and where I don't. The traffic still sucks here. The climate and the beach are still great. Really, the city has been a character of her own that I have gotten to know. I have learned her streets. I don't need my Thomas Guide map book to get around anymore. In general, I don't even need Google maps. I know my way around. I know where to find good brunch. I know a few fun places to go and I've made a few friends. I understand the place I live a little bit better than I did last year, and that is actually making a big difference in my happiness here.

I know now that you don't live on the east side and try to commute to the west side. It's a commute that has brought me to tears too many times this year. You've got to live near where you work in this city or the traffic will eat you alive. Also, having roommates is a great way to make friends. Otherwise, it will take you a very long time to make close friends here. People do what I call "the L.A. flake out" where they tell you they will meet you somewhere, then they back out at the last minute. It's really not their fault (ok, sometimes it is) but for the most part the traffic is a big deterrent to getting together with people. Once people are home from work, they tend to not want to go out again. Especially after a 2 hour stop & go commute.

As of right now, L.A. is not what I would call "home". I mean, some people come here and love it immediately. I did not. It's a hard place to live unless you have a good reason to be here, like your true love or the entertainment industry. Wait, no, even then it's still a hard place to live, you just have a reason to live in it. If I was to move I would probably go north of LA somewhere, like Santa Barbara or up in the Sequoias, just somewhere outside of this concrete jungle. For now, though, I have found enough little pockets of good that I end up liking it here more than I hate it, and that will do just fine for now.

So, next year. What will next year bring? The first thing that pops into my head is gardening and cooking, writing and sewing. I see a small collection of hobbies in my life that I hope will bring good things to me and the ones I love. I may move to Buffalo, NY this year. It depends on a lot of factors, but I suspect next year's new years eve will be a much snowier one if that is the case. This year I would like to align my career more with my life's goals. It is not my aspiration to be a temp for an investment firm for the rest of my working days. I would like to create a job for myself that fits me better and uses the good things I have to offer the world in a more direct way. Who knows!? Maybe I'll open a waffle shop in Buffalo. Or I'll write a cookbook! Only time will tell! Have a happy new year, folks! May this one bring you what you're wishing for.

Kim